Closed Captioning

Closed captioning, as it turns out, is not only for the hearing impaired. It's essential for those of us whose homes are acoustically and/or square-footage challenged after the kid(s) are asleep. Why do they mumble so much dialogue on Grey's Anatomy? Why? WHY? Speak up Derek for Pete's SAKE! It's like there are marbles in his mouth. McMumbles I tell you!

I thought about getting a couple of these jobbies:


But then we would be like John Cusack in Sixteen Candles with matching headgear. Conversation would be stilted. If I put wireless headphones on a couple watching TV on the video game The Sims, they would lose relationship points. Right? We should probably just read. With booklights.