Whatever I Am

So...if it is true that, "Whatever You Love, You Are," I get a bit stuck on the You Are part. I flip through my journals and look at the images I have saved* for insight. I begin to wonder if maybe I love too many diverse and incompatable things, like salty air and snow.

So I make the list, uncensored and honest:

I love
words

water

paper and books

magazines and typewriters,
bookstores and pens,

music and romantic comedies,
writing and paintings,
photography and advocacy,
helping someone find the word that sets an emotion free,
color,

humor,
bringing order to something,

listening,
making connections to make sense of things,
resolving conflict,
travel,
scotch tape,
hydrangeas and quilts,
flapping sails and harbor sounds,
thoughtfulness,
pianos and violins and cellos,
coffee and scones,
tea and chocolate,
Polaroids and

porches,
pink tissue paper flowers on the way home.



I love catching a moment that will never be again.

...when no one is looking...

...and just before it is gone.


I love stories around a table.
Burgers on the grill after a long winter.
Cold beer & avocados.



I love seeing her hair in the sunlight, like an Andrew Wyeth painting.
I love making my dad laugh out loud and seeing my mom inspired.


I love all that I have
and all I have lost.

I love it all madly. So what does that make me?

Today (which I qualify because this sort of thing changes) I think it means that I am one of those books you can find in a couple of different sections, or an album that has to be cross-referenced to find because it's not kept where you would think it should be. I like to think I'm on the nightstand under a bottle of water, or in the carry-on traveling on the overnight train to Madrid with wavy pages from the saltwater, or maybe just bath water. Or that you called in sick just to finish reading, but that the words made all the difference in the rest of your life.

I've heard someone say once that in a crisis of faith, she turns to books. I do too. I hope that some day, I'll be the book that has the answer for someone.

If I'm working on litigation or taking a photograph, or writing an essay, I hope that the work, the purpose, fullfills the prayer a dear friend shared with me from Marianne Williamson, that "if this is the highest and best interest for me and those around me, then please allow it to happen."

I guess that's who I am.

But, it's still a guess.

*The images photographed in my journals are old copy from Home & Garden, O at Home, Oprah Magazine, and Real Simple respectively.